Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
