theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
