I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
God, you're like boner-b-gone
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
