What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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