3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
