I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
