I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
