there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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