Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
