Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
ttyl tear gas
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
