Say something about gay babies.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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