Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
