I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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