bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
