Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
