I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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