And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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