I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just had sex on a roof
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
