My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
