I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
