did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
