She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
