So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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