On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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