I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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