My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
