I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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