when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you had me at cake vodka
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
