I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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