she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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