He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I supernannyed him into submission
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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