if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
