thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize