I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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