Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
