Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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