ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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