I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
