even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I supernannyed him into submission
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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