You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
