why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
