I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
