Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
