can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
