You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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