If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
