K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
