he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
