So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
