No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize