I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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