He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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