Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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