He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
