you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
