i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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