I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
