I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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