That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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