i was born a porn star she said
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
