HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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