goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
