You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
