Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
