I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize