NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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