Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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