I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
