Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
