somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
